Episode 15

Published on:

28th Jun 2023

How being willing to say "no" to an audition opened up the "respect" door

Hello, lovely listeners, and welcome to another episode of "Confessions of an Aging Ingénue." I'm your Aging Ingénue, Jenni Tooley, thrilled to have you with me today. Before we dive into the juicy bits, let me extend a personal invitation to you. Join us in the confessional every first Wednesday of the month at jennitooley.com. Who knows, you might just find yourself in the confessor seat!

Now, let's jump into the excitement. If you're catching this in time, the last weekend of October is approaching. You can head over to jennitooley.com/Stuck to watch my first feature film, "STUCK," in my private screening room, part of the Jenni Tooley experience. It's a new venture where I'm sharing my podcast journals, wisdom wanderings, and more. Plus, there are different tiers for you to explore, including coaching, consulting, and even micro-budget indie film advice.

Your support helps me stay independent and continue creating content, so do check it out.

Great! Let's delve into today's topic – "State your fees." It might sound like a peculiar mantra, but trust me, it's something we all need a reminder of from time to time.

Today, I want to take you back about five years, a period of financial struggle and self-discovery. I found myself focusing on underearning. The realization hit me – I had spent my entire life undervaluing my skills, staying small, and, in a way, invisible.

As an actor, the dichotomy of being visible on the outside while feeling small and invisible internally was a delicate dance. I mastered the art of being a chameleon, adapting to social situations and performances, all while battling a deep-seated mindset of deprivation.

Fast forward to a pivotal moment – an audition dilemma. The industry landscape was shifting, and I was grappling with the challenges of being a union member in a right-to-work state like Texas. The struggle with non-union gigs, modified contracts, and the financial toll of auditions became overwhelming.

Then came the audacious move – the "offer-only" decision. Discovering that I had the power to say no to auditions and declare myself "offer-only” was a paradigm shift, challenging the traditional actor's mindset and underearner's beliefs.

I want to share a personal story that unfolded during this period. Despite the financial risks, I took a leap of faith. The outcome was unexpected – I secured the role, negotiated terms, and discovered the genuine appreciation of the filmmakers.

This experience taught me a profound lesson – recognizing and asserting my value as an actor. It shattered the illusion of being small and invisible, paving the way for a mindset shift towards abundance.

So, today's episode is about acknowledging your worth, setting boundaries, and standing up for what aligns with your values. I encourage you to reflect on your own journey and the times you've hesitated to declare your worth.

Before we wrap up, a quick reminder to visit jennitooley.com for the Jenni Tooley experience and explore the exciting content waiting for you. Your support makes a world of difference, allowing me to continue this creative journey.

Thank you for being part of this episode. I can't wait to hear your thoughts, so don't forget to comment, review, follow, and subscribe. Your engagement keeps our podcast thriving.

Until next time, this is Jenni Tooley, your host, signing off.

Show artwork for Confessions of an Aging Ingenue

About the Podcast

Confessions of an Aging Ingenue
from insecure ingenue to perimenopausal powerhouse
Go BTS into my creative life/career as I regain my integrity and create a system that aligns with my values and supports an abundant, healthy lifestyle.

It’s taken me decades to find my way back to me. The journey has been messy, out of control and all of the things I feared. I fear them no more. Take these stories as your own.

Imperfect. Unedited. Uncensored.
Support This Show

About your host

Profile picture for Jenni Tooley

Jenni Tooley

Hi! I am Jenni Tooley and I have a lot going on! I tend to go where I am led, am highly adaptable and have a wide variety of transferable skills and talents. This means I have experienced a whole lot so far in life-- I have owned and operated my own cottage bakery, am a trained birth doula, am a yoga teacher, am a professional actor, have worked in non-profit development, launched a web series and just distributed my first feature film, STUCK. Oh! Did I happen to mention I've also been an actor for over 3 decades and played alongside in Richard Linklater's Boyhood? That all sounds amazing- and super woman-ish, right?

What you may not know is that although I am a creative human, I am also a messy one. I've been around lot of blocks and trudged through around and over some of the deepest blocks within myself. I know what it's like to feel stuck- unable to move forward. I know what it's like to be overwhelmed with self-doubt. I know what it's like to feel like I or what I do is never enough. I've spent years trying to "fix" myself. I have a "chick with a stick" in my brain that loves to whack me around whenever I make a mistake, show my imperfections, or am willing to be vulnerable. She thinks she's keeping me safe. But I'm tired of being abused by myself. My "good enough" is actually more than good enough. I don't have to go outside of myself for validation. And being vulnerable is really hot!

I won't claim to have completely overcome all these things-- after all I am human. But I've gotten through them and continue to build myself up rather than break myself down, most days:) Along my journey I have collected so many tools, a whole lot of experience, and have always been (it turns out) filled with wisdom. I am thrilled to be able to share all of this with you! I specialize in holding space for people, deeply listening, and being able to guide people back to the truth of who they are. The process isn't perfect. And I will never claim to have " the only 5 steps you need to fix yourself for good" because in my experience that's a bunch of hoo-ha. And it sets up a situation where if you didn't get fixed you think there must be something wrong with you(I know, I've had that experience).

I'd love to have you join me on this journey! www.jennitooley.com